All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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