I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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