well I can't set my house on fire every night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
