love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
