Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
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