she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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