Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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