i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
