This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
