I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
