I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
