But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
