He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
