addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
