Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
