Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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