I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
