is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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