I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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