Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
