Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
