And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
