final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
