That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
