Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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