My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize