I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
