we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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