Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize