new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
