On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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