your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
