when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
