He kissed a someone with a penis
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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