sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
