it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is Oprah even human
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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