No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
