There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
