I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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