and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
