I must be too annoying 4 u.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
