I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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