So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
