tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
