It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he shaved USA in his pubs
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
