his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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