I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
