This girl is more easily done than said...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
