so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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