His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
