took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
