she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
