I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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