She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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