are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
