Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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