Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
