We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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