i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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