non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
