happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
