dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
