i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
