Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
