I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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