I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
