ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
