wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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