When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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