my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize