How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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