Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
