I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
