What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
