Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize