Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize