U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
